Well, it took nearly seven years to happen, but today was finally the day I heard words I’ve prepared myself to hear for a while. Out of anger towards me, my son told me that he didn’t want to be here with me and wanted to go back to his mom’s. While I say I’ve prepared myself to hear that, I should properly put it that I thought I had prepared myself for it, when in reality, I hadn’t.
It was a swift kick to the nuts, and one I’m sure I’m going to get plenty more times down the road, from all the kids, but damn this first time from him was painful. Of course I made the mistake of showing anger after he said it, something I regret. I was already emotionally drained, and when he came at me with that, I wasn’t prepared.
I’ve tried to talk to him since, and I get the feeling that he’s just as sorry as I am. He’s been having a hard time with the changes, harder than he’s willing to admit, and I think some of that is finally coming to the surface. I worry about what other outbursts are in store, because he keeps most things in, especially with me, and I have a feeling once I move, it’ll be something else that affects him, and it’ll trigger a reaction I won’t be prepared to handle.
One thing I know for sure is that those words he said, regardless of why they were said, will be ringing in my head for a while….