I can’t help but ask myself this at times.  Wondering what I do or don’t do right.  I love my kids with everything that’s in me.  I would lay down my life for them, and I do everything I can to make sure I’m all I can be for them, that I always put smiles on their faces, and I’d like to think I’m at least a decent Dad…..even though there are things that make me think and feel otherwise.

Either one of the kids rarely acts like they miss me all that much.  My son gets upset when it’s time to go back to his Mom’s but that has more to do with not getting to hang out with his cousin or that he has to go to school the next day, and less about me.  My daughter?  I’m honestly not sure she misses me all that much.  It’s an effort to get her to talk to me on the phone and she’s immediate about hanging up.  She’s anxious to get to her Mom’s.  At best I feel like I come across as a secondary thought when she used to be my best friend.

I do everything I can try to do, and it doesn’t seem like I matter all that much.  Then I see Dads who are missed, who hang the moon with their kids.  I see the kids tell their Dad’s bye 15 times, and want to talk to him on the phone.  I see kids who truly miss their Dads and I can’t help but sit and wonder, why can’t I get that?

I guess that’s a downfall of dating women with kids, that I see the other side of the coin, only problem is, while it’s similar, it feels like I’m looking at the back of a different coin than the one I have.  A coin, that while it has its flaws and issues too, still seems to shine just a little brighter in spots, versus mine.

I’ve seen kids adore their Dad.  A man, who to me, isn’t deserving such adoration.  Who isn’t or hasn’t been a Dad, for one reason or another, but still gets the extra hugs, and the begging their Mom to go see him, while I’m left sitting alone, wondering what I’ve done wrong.

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