Just talkin it out

by Michael

So, let’s talk. Let’s be straight.

I get that Fatherhood: Reloaded is a mishmash of a bunch of things. The site is for a niche of one. I get that. I’m not out here looking to change the world or have the next successful blockbuster website.

This site is fundamentally me. A wide range of interests.

I still consider the core of this site to be a parenting blog. A #dadblog, if anything else.

And I’ve slacked on that lately.

Sure, I post a few things here and there. I’ve posted random entertainment or gear-type posts. I’ve had some guest posts to throw up. I even have a few reviews coming up. I also have an exuberant amount of drafts, in all ranges of conditions.

Product reviews, random one-off new pieces. I even have a post about taking my older two kids to see Shang-Chi during its opening weekend. The first movie I’ve been to since the COVID outbreak last year, and the first I’d taken them to in nearly 2 years.

I’ve gotten some decent content I feel like.

I’ve wanted to start a podcast with my wife as a supplement to this one and be about things concerning our son and everything we’re learning about arthrogryposis.

I’ve tried doing 1-2 IGTV posts on my Instagram account, but those tend to get me rambling a bit.

“So, what’s the problem, Michael?”

I’m not entirely sure mystery question asker that I just typed out and created. I don’t know what it is.

I mean, I do, but I don’t. (Makes total sense I know)

Yes, my son’s condition weighs heavy on me. Some days more than others.

He was doing so well, and then he hit a growth spurt and it feels like we took two steps back and are just now getting back to where we were, but with differences.

This is a constant mind game with myself. The mental gymnastics and training never stop.

I get frustrated, or worried. Sad or overwhelmed. Then the logical side of my brain kicks in and tries to find reasons for what’s going on. Tries to rationalize things and calm my nerves.

And that trick worked, for a while.

Technically it still works, however, I’m also aware of what I’m doing, and it’s harder to convince myself.

Told you: mental gymnastics. Except the routines are getting old and uninspired.

So why write all this out? Why throw these random thoughts out on a website for people to see?

Sure, this could be seen by 1 person, or it could be seen by thousands. (I’m smart enough to know this isn’t reaching millions) The thing is, if this is seen by just 1 person, then that’s good enough for me.

Because if someone is reading this, if you are reading this, that means that we’re not alone. I’m talking to you. You’re listening/reading my words. We’re having a conversation, through the vastness of time and space. Rather if you’re reading this the day I’m posting it, or you’re reading it years from now, at this moment, as you’re reading these words, I’m talking to you and neither of us is alone.

“But Michael, you have your wife, you’re not alone!”

Yes, I know this Phil! (Can I call you Phil?)

My wife is amazing. She’s wonderful, and frankly, she’s been stronger through all this than I ever could be. She’s my superhero.

She also relies on me. I have to be steady for her. She carries so much. She carries the stress, the anxiety for us both, to all the therapies she’s taking our son to, nearly daily now.

She’s constantly reading and doing research. Reading other Mom’s posts in the AMC mom groups (Shocker: No similar dad groups). She’s with our son 24/7, while I go to work. While I go to the gym at night (at her instance and after our son is asleep).

She never gets away from it to catch her breath. As much as I try to get her to, she can’t let herself. So I do what I can, so I can be right here for her when she needs me. She carries the weight of us both, without realizing it, and I’m not about to throw more on her.

So I do my best to let my logical brain direct traffic. To keep me where I need to be.

Sometimes the traffic just becomes overwhelming and there’s a backup.

In those cases, I tend to clock out a bit, rather it is watching something or mindlessly surfing the net. The less thinking it involves, the better.

Tonight, however, I wanted to take a different approach. I wanted to just write the words. To write things out.

So there you go! A good ole fashioned blog post. Nothing fancy. No organized thoughts, or secondary headers, or structure for proper SEO. Hell, this doesn’t even have a real subject!

This is simply me, Michael. A Dad of two frustrating teenagers who live with their Moms, and a 6-month old son who has arthrogryposis. This is me, sitting at my desk, typing as I think. Typing to get words out, not because I want hits on a site, but because I just needed to get words out.

Could this have been another IGTV post? Yeah, definitely, but sometimes, it’s just nice to type the words out. To let things out in another manner.

This site is meant to be an outlet for me, and sometimes I think I let it add to the list of my stressors, and I don’t want it to be.

So for those that read this and visit this site; Thank you.

I promise there’s more stuff coming! It’s just, mentally I have to be in that place to write how I want to, and I’ve just not been there lately.

For those looking for more about my son’s prognosis and adventures, please check out my other blog, The Greene Affect.

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