I was changing my daughter’s diaper this evening, just like any parent with a young infant would be doing when it dawned on me. A process, which should be evolving towards eventual potty training and the disappearance of the diaper, has become something similar to a dance or a wrestling match between myself and the ever-elusive Bug!
You may laugh but think back to when you first get your brand new baby, fresh out of the package. They’re so fragile, so tiny, you’re almost afraid to touch them, or if you’re holding them, to lay them down, afraid they’ll bruise like a soft peach. Any action is a delicate process, including the diaper change. Especially those first few days, it’s a process all its own. Your baby is swaddled in their blanket keeping them warm, you have to slowly unwrap them, which eventually just pisses them off, but then you have to take off the small diaper and clean them of their small mess, apply baby powder and a fresh diaper. A process, especially while still in the hospital, seems to be enjoyed by grandmothers for whatever reason. (You might find it strange, but I have stood back and watched a number of different grandmothers all but jump at the chance to change those tiny diapers while at the hospital. Possibly because they know of the nightmares to come? Hmmm….).
Eventually, after you get home, your baby grows and you become more comfortable around them, and the diaper changing process, to where your hand/eye coordination is top-notch! You can get your baby’s butt clean and dry before anyone even realizes what you’re doing. During this time, your baby is still content with simply lying there, possibly fussing, but you feel confident in your diaper changing abilities. You can wipe a small butt with the best of them, and you zoom through the processes like nothing. You can change a diaper from nearly any position or situation and still have it looking perfect. You’re a master of your diaper domain, and you’re not ashamed to stand tall and say it!
Then suddenly, at some point, things change. So far you have been making forward progress, getting more efficient, knowing your baby’s patterns, and when you finally have it down to where you can effortlessly change a diaper in the dark, BAM!! They turn into the Ric Flair of the infant world! Turning, squirming, screaming, grabbing, slinging, throwing, absolutely anything and everything they can do to try and prevent you from either removing the diaper or cleaning them. What used to be a simple process for just you, now requires 3 Navy Seals, a tranquilizer gun, and a spotlight! And if they have a diaper rash and you have to put on any cream….oh boy! All I can say is “God speed brave soul.”
What I don’t get is, why?! They’re getting older, the messes are getting bigger and well you’d think they’d want it off them. Only it seems like the opposite. You can have your baby girl in your arms, loving on you, being happy and smiling, until she realizes what you plan on doing to do, at that point, the horns come out, the bell rings to start the match, and ITS ON!! Don’t get me wrong, sometimes she’s still my perfect little girl, but typically….shew! And I realize some might be laughing, saying its just a normal thing, and I’m not saying it’s not. It’s just, even though I have 3 kids, this is the first one I’ve really been around where I’m having to change diapers every day, and well….the behavior just seems backward to me.