The Dad Chronicles – Baby’s First @#%&*!

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By Michael

Aww…. what’s better than hearing your child first saying one of those magic four-letter words they’ve heard you say? Not knowing that what they’re doing is actually wrong, and saying it is the most embarrassing moment?  Fortunately, that hasn’t happened to me, and knock on wood it won’t, but I’ve seen it happen to people before, and really, its one of those small hurdles to get over when your child’s brain is like a sponge on crack, absorbing everything it can and spitting it right back out. Actually, saying I’ve not had to deal with the cussing issue yet is something of a misleading statement.  I’ve had to deal with a wide array of circumstances when it comes to young children cussing. I have my nephew while helping my father, his Pappy, run cattle, yell a colorful profanity-filled statement, something he has heard my father yell, and was repeating it, simply thinking he was helping, not knowing it was wrong. It’s one of those nice, innocent circumstances that people enjoy telling the story of and laughing about, while also enforcing on him, that he shouldn’t say “those words”.  Something you can make fun of in later years, nothing something you feel you should go hide your head over. Then we have my son, who lives with his mother mostly 12 out of a 14-day span, with small hits and misses of an extra day for myself here and there. He’s heard me cuss, he’s heard me cuss under my breath about his mother, I won’t sit and lie or act like he hasn’t, but he’s not around it a lot, or in any familiar situations.  He’s never once repeated me, never once caught me and told me I was saying bad words, to him, he’s oblivious that they are anything but words, something I’m grateful for, unsure of its just him or the raising he has with his mother, but hoping it stays that way for a few more years. Then, we have my stepdaughter, 8 going on 20, and a master’s degree in all things.  She hears me cuss, admittedly, she hears me cuss more than she should, and is aware that select words are “bad words” either by being told by us or the school system. She is so knowledgeable that they’re “bad” that she nearly had a breakdown over saying the word “piss” and being told she shouldn’t say that, that it was a bad word.  Well, last night was a curious event. She asked what the bad words were. Not metaphorically or in any other sense, but just that, asked what they were. So I told her, listed out the 4 lettered kings of cussing, emphasizing the mother of all words, and said hey, these are the worst, don’t say them.  I mean how else are you going to learn, right? I explained to her that they are not good to say and she shouldn’t, that even my mom will still get on my case if I get into a good cussing rant, which has been known to happen on occasions, something my stepdaughter found comical but also seems to hit home the fact that they’re bad, regardless of age or circumstances. So I mark it off as having 2 out of the 3 taken care of in the cursing department. No worries of a child embarrassing me by throwing an F-bomb in the middle of Walmart or anything like that. One of those small hurdles jumped and small victories celebrated.  Hell yeah!

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